Different Pregnancies, Different Emotions
Please Note: Views expressed by patients of Early Options and their companions are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Early Options. This transcript has been edited for clarity and readability.
Content Warning: This post contains an image of a gestational sac at 5 weeks of pregnancy.
0:00 | The Early Options Difference
Doctor Joan Fleischman: You just finished a SofTouch Procedure about maybe 15 – 20 minutes ago. How are you feeling first off?
Early Options Patient: Relieved. I feel like I’ve had wonderful care and I would recommend this practice to anybody.
D: There’s a couple of interesting things about how this went for you. First off, you brought your friend and this is your second time coming to me.
D: You said that you had a very different emotional experience last time than this time. I think that can be really helpful for other women to hear about because I think you almost feel like you’re going to have the same emotional experience either between women or different times that you go through this, so I just thought it could be helpful for other women for you to talk about that.
P: Well, the first time I was more attached to the relationship than this time. Things happen and I had no emotional attachment and it was more of a relief than anything else so that I could sort of move on with my life.
D: Can you give words to how you felt last time when you were here, what was going on for you?
P: I was trying to sort of work out a relationship with somebody and there was a possibility of starting a life together, moving in together and sort of taking it to the next level. Whereas, this time I knew that was not going to be the case.
I was with the person for a short time–a month and a half–and I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. There’s that difference there and I told a couple of my close girlfriends and I was like, “It’s just another bump in the road. It’s part of life, these things happen.”
Men, they don’t have to go through the repercussion of, you know, they can just go and be careless having sex and not have to deal with it the way we have to deal with it on our end. Again, I feel very relieved and I feel like I can now resume my life as I planned and I don’t have to worry about it again. I could leave it behind me, let it go and just keep moving.
D: What did happen last time when you decided to end it? Was it just too soon in the relationship and then did this have an impact on it?
P: We were together for two years and it was sort of a roller coaster ride most of the relationship. There was a lot of dishonesty, sneaking around. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach.
He was in my bedroom, we were going to sleep and I just looked at him and I was thinking to myself how I couldn’t stand him. Having a baby with somebody and going through that it’s like, “Do I really want to have this person in my life for the rest of my life? With these habits?”
The things he said to me “I need to have privacy for my female friends.” If you want to have a baby together, there’s no secrets. You need to be on the same page with me and by saying something like that, it’s not being on the same page with me so I told him I had a miscarriage.
Obviously, he knew I was pregnant, but I came here. It was quick. It wasn’t easy but it was a decision I had to make. I’ve struggled with it but I know in the long run I’ve dodged a bullet and I know I don’t ever have to see him again.
I don’t have to be attached to this person for the rest of my life because bringing a life into this world you are attached to that person whether you like it or not. These two decisions that I’ve made this year have probably been the smartest and I know down the road my life will be where I want it to be.
D: It’s interesting that you said you had this moment of clarity because I see that so often with women that I talk to, that pregnancy really…well makes you take your life more seriously.
P: It really does. You think about all of the…yeah for sure.
D: I’ve seen this happen, women just become clear about the situation they’re in because, as women, we can stay in dysfunctional relationships for a really long time and kind of think the person’s going to change or the situation is going to change.
I think there is something about getting pregnant that can really clarify the guy you’re with, the relationship, how it’s going, what you want in your life.
P: I agree. I totally agree with that and women do stay. They say, “Okay if this happens, or if I get married, or if I have a baby, things will be better,” but women who have done that that I’ve spoken to, it doesn’t make it better. If anything it makes it that much worse.
You know, when you’re first with somebody for the first 6 months or something you’re in like that honeymoon phase and people put their best foot forward. It’s almost like a mask they’re wearing. I feel like the point where you sort of figure out who this person is like 2 – 2 and a half years and then you see their true colors sort of coming out. Then you pick up on their little quirks.
I also read this article saying how every relationship is going to have its problems. It’s what set of problems do you want to deal with? Truthfully, I agree with that too. I think that nothing is perfect and if it is that’s a problem. Everything is going to have its ups and downs, it’s what you’re ready to tolerate and what sort of fits in with your quirkiness.
6:04 | Seeing the Tissue
D: This time you chose to take a look at the tissue that came out which at this stage of pregnancy was so very early. There’s no embryo developed until you’re about 10 weeks and you were at 5 weeks, so it was just a gestational sac, it’s only got a little piece of mucus. Did that have any impact on you to actually see it?
Gestational Sac at 5 Weeks
P: It’s actually fascinating to me. I love things having to do with the body and I don’t get squeamish. Some other people might but that’s just interesting to see. It’s just what was growing inside of my body and how this one cell becomes this potential life, but again I don’t feel…
I was thinking about this last night too. What sort of life would that child have had? I don’t want to put that sort of anxiety and unbalanced and insecure place. I just… I don’t want to bring a life into the world in that situation.
D: Well, I think it’s incredibly important that you want to get pregnant; you want to be pregnant and are excited about it and there’s plenty of women who want to be pregnant who are anxious but I think it’s so important to be happy and excited and want to have a child.
P: Not now, it’s just not the right time. I feel like when it is, it will happen. I feel very blessed that I’m able to get pregnant on my own and I don’t have to worry about that because I thought I was going to have to worry about that. The fact that I don’t is a blessing so I could just sort of move on now. It’s a good feeling and, like I said, it’s a relief. I feel very relieved right now.
P: Thank you so much.
D: Yes, thank you so much for taking the time.